Bucket list: Master Cleanse

lemonade for a master cleanse
When life hands you thirty pounds, make lemonade! Photo by Kim Tan.

I’m on Day 5 of a 10-Day Master Cleanse. I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far not only because I I don’t have a history of success in terms of sticking to the plan, but also because

  • my other website is a food website;
  • I like lots of food blogs on Facebook and they are always posting the most wonderful pictures of their creations;
  • I started reading Julia Childs’ biography Life in France this week, and she is especially good at describing what she is eating;
  • my husband is still eating, and without my interference, he is eating all the most delicious carbs in the pantry;
  • every commercial on television is food-related; and
  • cooking is one of my favorite things to do and normally takes up a lot of my time every day.

I know I am going to sound like a total fraud when I say this, but so far, it hasn’t been that bad–as long as J isn’t eating salty, saucy, delicious, comforting, filling Kraft Mac n’ Cheese right in front me. I mean, c’mon, dude! But mostly I feel like there’s no reason I won’t be able to see it through.

Granted, by lunch time on the first day, I was in the fetal position on the couch, under a throw, complaining that I felt weak. Which is absurd since I miss breakfast some mornings, anyway. But by the second day, I felt up to a long walk, and I ran two miles on the third day. When I walk through the kitchen, I am very, very conscious of not being “allowed” to have anything besides the lemonade and herbal teas, but if I’m up in my office, I can forget that I have more lemonade to drink.

That’s pretty awesome considering that previously the closest I’ve gotten to a cleanse was after really bad breakup during the summer of 2008. I was so sad I literally could not eat. Smelling the food as I served lunch to my kindy students was enough to send me running out of the room, dry heaving all the way to the bathroom. It wasn’t a diet I would recommend to anyone else, but it was probably a lot easier to follow than your average cleanse: Just have as much alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and misery as you can handle for about three months. However, my skin cleared up beautifully and I could finally shop for clothes in a Taiwanese store without being shooed out by the salesclerk telling me, “Too fat, too fat! No size!” (I was a size six. They are cray cray.)

I ultimately felt and looked so much better that I tried to do the real Master Cleanse a couple of times after that, but I couldn’t make it to dinner time on the first day before I decided eating sensibly was a much better option. But I’ve been gearing up for this for a while, and I’ve cut out caffeine, replaced sugar with agave syrup, reduced my consumption of any animal products, and generally watching what I eat.

I’ve also been having “Green Days.” I heard that Pink’s trainer advises her to eat nothing but greens all day some days, and the only thing I love about Pink more than her music is her husband, but her rocking hot body is a firm third. She is amazing. I also love greens A LOT, no joke, so Green Days ain’t even hard.

My amazing and adorable mother-in-law has also been an inspiration to me. She did a two-week Master Cleanse last year, has been mostly-vegetarian since then, and is admirably strong and healthy. When she said I could do it, I felt like I had to.

Have you ever tried a fast or a cleanse? What do you think about it? let me know in the comments.

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