Sweet buns

My first thought when I saw a picture of the Donut Burger (TM) was that it was everything that’s wrong with the world. That’s just so many calories and carbs and things that are bad for you, there’s no way you wouldn’t feel like shit. It brought to mind Bill Burr saying, “You eat one egg McMuffin and you’re just on the couch, “Eh, y’know what? Fuck my dreams””and a Cake lyric, “Excess ain’t rebellion.”

Cause that’s what it is, right? You order it, it comes, you Instagram it, post it on Facebook, eat it, tweet about it, then lay around in a food coma for four hours and probably get a headache. Life is a terrible thing to waste.

And besides all that, Taiwan has New York beat because they’ve been serving up sugar donuts that are roughly the size of hot dogs, with a hot dog inside, slathered with mayonnaise. (And because Taiwanese bakeries are basically Japanese, Japan probably has everyone beat.) I have never eaten one. In fact, it’s one of the few things in Taiwan I refused to even try, and I’ve at least tried pig intestines, congealed duck’s blood, and chicken feet. The sight of a hot dog with the yellowish mayonnaise squirted decoratively over the top, on a fried, sugary doughnut just made my stomach turn a little.

“It’s a famous food!” my friend said. (But that’s what Taiwanese folks say about everything so I am no longer swayed.)

But…that was a long time ago, and when I went to the bakery downstairs, I could only find these:

hot dogs in buns at the bakery in chungli taiwan
not quite fresh-off-the-grill, nor refrigerated (you get used to it)
bakery goods in chungli taiwan
Other baked goods stuff with tuna, ham, fried chicken, processed cheese, etc. Ketchup and mayo are decorative and tasty.

bakery hot dog chungli taiwan
This is what a hot dog that’s been fried then left to sit on a bakery shelf for hours looks like. (The kewpie doll is my writing talisman.)

The buns were more like bread than I wanted for this picture, but here they are, and I can only promise to keep looking for the dogs of legend. When I find them, I’ll update this post accordingly.

Also, it occurred to me in writing this post that I was pretty excited to move back to the US after I found out Dunkin’ Donuts had added those sausage-pancake balls to the menu, so I can’t judge.

Bonus picture of a potato-salad bun. It’s just potato salad in a soft bun, with some ham and cheese for decoration. The tiny ham-funnel of ketchup in the middle of the bun was a nice touch and a real boost to the flavor.

potato salad sandwich from chungli taiwan bakery
A potato salad sandwich. This is not even leftovers; I straight up bought this.

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